It's time for the First Campaigner Challenge! Here are the rules:
Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. (✔) These five words will be included in the word count.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:
- end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count) ✔
- include the word "orange" in the story ✔
- write in the same genre you normally write ✔
(romance, though it's kind of diluted here)
- make your story 200 words exactly! ✔
Shadows crept across the wall, weaving darkness into the eighteenth
hour.
 |
CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 Image by Mr. Greenjeans |
Beyond my window, the sun had begun its descent into the
horizon, bathing the world in a hazy, orange glow. Unlike the cards littering
my sill, it promised no warmth, no hope for tomorrow—only a safe passage into
the night. One last time.
My eyelids followed the waning light and lowered of their
own accord. If I could just drift off for a second…
It was the trembling against my back that kept me grounded, still
bound to the man who clung to me with every fiber of his being. His breath
hitched as he swallowed a half-formed sob, but he didn’t say a word. He just rocked
back and forth with his arms around me, burying his tears in my hair.
With a shaking hand, I brushed my fingertips across the back
of his neck, imprinting the goodbye I didn’t have the strength to say or the
heart to believe. Vows were meant to last longer than this. It wasn’t fair...
The baby awoke with a cry in the background, innocent and
oblivious.
No, it wasn’t fair at all.
I drew my last breath, and everything faded.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...Well, crap. That was depressing. Last time I write a challenge entry in the middle of the night!
Anyhoo, if you liked it, feel free to vote (I'm #5). While you're there, check out the other entries. It's always cool to see how differently everyone interprets the flash prompt. :)
Have a great week, guys! ♥
209 comments:
1 – 200 of 209 Newer› Newest»Whoa. Whoa! That just ripped my heart out. I marvel at your hook and overall excellent writing. Great job! :)
Niiiiice... you're so talented, Carrie ;)
OMG, that was heartwrenching! How depressingly beautiful!
Love it. Perfect and miserable.
I agree wih J.C. it's depressingly beautiful :D In only 200 words, you managed to break my heart! Well done!
Wow. That was wonderful... in a depressing sort of way!
I liked it, very much. Now I want to know what happened, how she got there, on and on and on. Great job, Carrie.
Damn, that is NOT FAIR! At first I was like, why is the guy crying? Something must be really bad if a GUY is crying... And then WHAM! That last line.
xx Rachel
Wow. I wasn't expecting that ending. Great job!
That was amazing. Really sad and touching. I loved it.
I'm #19
Wow!!
Amazing peice of work there!!
You really stuffed in a lot of emotions in the two hundred words, the kids, the tension, the tears and all!!
Hoping to
Lovely, although I could do with a few more words about why she's dying. Is she ill?
Mine is No. 23
Depressing, but poignant!
Oh. I forgot . . . stop in at http://writegame.blogspot.com and play tag with a few people. That should perk you up after writing late at night. :-)
Aww, that was so sad! Great piece here ;_;
Sad but very well written. I could really feel the pain.
Oh my gosh so sad!
Very sad, but well written! Nice job! :)
I'm #39
Very nicely done! Yes, sad, but the emotion is what makes it so good!
such sad realism. very well done!
Wow, loved it. Very vivid and touching.
Oh, the emotions in that were lovely, and so sad. I really liked this one <3
That was really good, and I mean it.
My goodness! Beautiful but sad at the same time. Great job!
I love stories that wrench the heart. Well done.
Beautiful and sad. Very well done. New follower and fellow campaigner :)
Absolutely fantastic.
Brilliant language! So sad. :( Great job including all the elements!! That was tough!
Wow ... that was sad! But very well done! Great job!
Sad, but powerful. Emotional. I thought it was great! Beautifully, written! :D
Sad :( but well-written. You put a lot into 200 words.
Why the hell aren’t you published yet?????
Wow, that was beautifully written. Full of emotion. Great job!
Hi there! Campaigner finally getting to making my rounds.
That is a little sad, but the writing was so beautiful. I really liked the mood in the descriptions. Great job, and good luck!
Fellow Campaigner here as well. WOW. Seriously.. wow. Loved this line, "it promised no warmth, no hope for tomorrow—only a safe passage into the night." Great emotional impact.
Thank you so much, David! :D
Amazing - so many twists, and a powerful feeling of sadness. At first I thought it was a kidnap scenario - they were literally "bound". Then the baby came out of nowhere, that knocked me for six. Brilliantly done!
That's so beautiful! I wish I could write like you...
Ooo, mysterious, deep, and beautiful sadness rolled into one. I like your voice! :)
Cool, liked it. It was depressing, but good. Very emotional.
Heartbreaking and amazing.
Depressing as hell...
I think I'll read it again. :)
Damn woman I'm all choked up now...Way to pour the emotion into 200 words! Your writing is as inspiring as ever! *heads over to vote for you*
Heart wrenching but great job!
Dude. SOOOOO GOOOOOOOD! Loved it :) Voting...
Depressing, but well done! mine is #71
Powerful! Emotive! Great imagery!
lol, loved your response afterwards.
Fantastic piece.
Aww, thanks, Morgan! :)
Well, this is a really sad story. Very well done - but sad! I hope to never face this situation.
That goodbye was so bittersweet!
Thanks for stopping by, J.C.! I appreciate it. :)
Mmm... misery...
I mean, thank you! :)
Aww, man. I hate to make everyone sad, but I'm glad you guys liked it! Thank you! :)
Thank you, Talli! I had no idea it was going to go in such a depressing direction. It just sort of... did. One of those writing things, I guess! :)
Thank you, Jeff! I really appreciate that! :D
Rachel, I loved reading your impressions. Thank you so much! :)
Thank you, Jenny! :)
Thanks, Jess! I enjoyed your flash piece, too. :)
Thanks, Abhishek! Two hundred words was pretty darn challenging for me. I tend to be long-winded. ;)
Thanks, Cat! Yeah, it was pretty hard to fit everything in there. The best I could come up with at the time were the cards--probably "Get Well" wishes--on the sill. :)
Thanks, Lee! Oh cool. I'll be right over! :)
Thank you, Lori! :)
(Sorry for the sadness!)
Thank you, Kathy! :)
Eek. I hope I didn't make anyone too sad this morning. Thanks for stopping by, Bess! :)
Thank you, Alyssa! :)
I love evoking emotion, especially in these flash pieces. (What can I say? I'm a sucker for challenges!) I'm just relieved it came through. :) Thanks, Nancy!
Thanks, Tara! :)
P.S. I miss Revision Club! :(
Thank you! I appreciate that! :)
Really sad ending. You built in the scene very well.
I loved how haunting and dark it was, though perhaps I'm just used to heavy, depressing subjects from some of the periods of 20th century history I write about.
I tagged you back at my blog.
Sad but great :)
#83
That was sad. I enjoyed how it built up. Good job!
That was totally depressing, but beautifully done. Great job!
Sad but well done!! New follower!
That. Was. Heartbreaking. But oh so beautifully written. Absolutely, gut wrenchingly beautiful.
Readers have already used all my adverbs. Bittersweet, heartbreaking, sad, wonderfully written. awesome. Okay, if they didn't, they should have. This was one heck of a good piece of writing, Carrie. I voted. Guess who for???
Wow! That was heart-wrenching and consumingly sad. Great job on this entry, I loved it! To be able to produce such emotion in a reader in so little words is amazing.
My entry is #36 if you'd like to check it out.
Your first sentence is a knockout! :-)
Very sad, yet, but also very powerful.
..."the goodbye I didn’t have the strength to say or the heart to believe. Vows were meant to last longer than this." Beautiful and heartfelt!
Thank you, Patricia! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :D
Thanks, Honey! :)
So sad, and I keep worrying about the baby! The mom in me is showing. Wonderful and beautiful writing! #82
Thank you, Humpty! :D
Wow. That WAS depressing, but written so very well. Great job!
I do, too. (Even though they kill me a little inside!) Thank you, Esther!
Thanks for following, Tasha! I appreciate the kind words. :)
Thank you, Julie! :)
It might have been depressing, but it was very well written! :)
(I'm #59)
I love reading all the different takes on this prompt! So amazing how we all have different ideas!
I just read a happy one, and then this. So sad.
Great work with setting the mood.
Yeah, it was pretty tough! The orange thing threw me for a loop. :) Thanks, Ashley!
Thank you, Margo! :)
Aww, thanks, Leigh! I appreciate that. :)
Thank you, Gwen! The 200 word restriction was pretty tricky. :)
Someday! Hopefully sooner rather than later. ;)
Thanks, Iain!
Thank you, Jessica! :)
It's a bit overwhelming, isn't it? I'm still trying to make Campaign rounds, too. :)
Thank you so much!
Thanks, Kevin! I really appreciate that. :D
You just cut my heart out and handed it to me on a platter - nice job!
Laurie Buchanan (entry #92)
Very powerful emotion conveyed in this! What an excellent entry in the contest. He was the best part in my book--heartbreaking!
Great job! Very powerful.
Quite riveting! A tear-jerker for sure. Nice job.
Loved it!
Thank you, Nick! It was definitely a challenge! :)
Aww, thank you, RaeAnn! :)
Thanks, Ann! I appreciate that. :)
Thanks, JEFritz! I'll be over to read yours soon. :)
Thanks, Becky! :D
You, Empress King, are a glutton for punishment. ;) Thank you!
Thanks, Sally!
...By the way, how's that blog comin'? ;)
Thanks, Christy! :D
Thank you, Jessica! :D
(By the way, I'm so excited about your book release next week! Squee!)
Thank you, Bridget! I'm making my way there. :D
Thank you, Sherri! :)
Haha! It was a bit of a mood killer, wasn't it? *grins* Thanks, Lynda!
Me too. Thank you, Daniel! :)
Oo, bittersweet might be the perfect word for it. Thanks for stopping by, Lydia! :)
Thank you, Rek! :)
Thank you, Carrie-Ann! Us depressing types should stick together. *grins*
I'll check it out!
Oopsie. Make that Carrie-Anne.
...My name is Carrie Ann. LOL
Thanks, Charmaine! :)
Thank you, Komal! :)
Thank you, Mina! :)
(Sorry about the depressing part...)
Thanks, Ainsley! I'm following you now, too. :)
Thank you so much, Avery! I appreciate the kind words. :)
Darn it, the baby just about finished me off. Nice one!
Your encouragement means the world to me, Joylene. Thank you so much! :)
Thanks, Yelena! I enjoyed your entry, too! :)
Thank you, Stuart! :)
Wow! Nice angle! You write beautifully :D
Beautiful and so sad! Great job!
Thanks, C.B.! :)
Aww, thank you, Siv! :)
Ah, isn't that what they say? "Once a mom, always a mom." :) Thank you, Amber!
Ohh, so sad. So good, but so sad. The poor family!
Thank you, Erin! :)
Aww, thanks, Treelight! :D
Isn't it, though? I think that's my favorite part of these challenges. I love seeing the different directions everyone takes the prompt. :)
Thanks, Claire!
Oops. Sorry about that, but thank you! :)
Truly heartrending. Very well written. Good story.
Thank you so much, Angela! :)
Thanks, Jennifer! :)
Thank you, Alexia! :D
Thanks, Lori! :)
Thanks, Sarah! :)
(It almost finished me off, too!)
Thank you, Julie! I really appreciate that. :)
Thank you, Name-twin! :)
Poor family, indeed. Thank you, Deniz! :D
Thank you, KSCollier! :)
Man this is amazing.
Wow, nice work! So emotional!
Thanks, Gwen! :)
Thank you, Diane! :D
Wow. Beautiful story! My heart broke while I read it.
On a happier note, I nominated you for the Sunshine Award=)
Good job. The descriptions were beautifully rendered. The story impact was powerful.
Lee (#126 on the Campaign Challenge List)
An A to Z Co-Host
Tossing It Out
Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge
Fantastic!!
Great Job! I liked it!
I'm number 125
Well done, Carrie, very evocative.
Cheer up, Carrie! How does a ghost hit a keyboard? ;-)
Wow. That's all I have to say. This was great! :)
I'm going over to cast my vote...if I can see through the tears clouding my vision to click the right icon. *sobs*
Dang, girl. Who sucked the happy ever after outta you? LOL
Heh, you are so holding me to that :P
If you must know, I just opened up a Tumblr account (yeah, I know I'm late...But better late than never!) and I'll probably test the waters there first, get an idea of what I'll be doing...Soon-ish ^_^
Love this! Heart-wrenching but beautifully written.
You betcha! ;)
Nice! That's a step in the right direction! The writing community/blogosphere is super supportive. You'll love it, I promise. :)
Oh, wow. Thank you, Kathleen! :D
Thank you, Arlee! I appreciate that. :)
Thanks, Traci! :)
Thanks, Steph! I'm making my way there! :)
Thank you, Rossandra! :D
Thanks for stopping by, Scott! :) As for the ghost thing, I have no idea...
Thanks, Vicki! :D
If you think this is bad, wait until you read what I have planned for the sequel to Strength...
*Cough* I mean, thanks, Melissa! :D
Thank you, Dawn! :D
This was fabulous, but yes, NOT FAIR! Poor family :(
Wow, so many comments! Carrie you have a wonderful way with words. You certainly know how to draw out emotions! Excellent!
Brilliant. "Vows were meant to last longer than this." I jumped to the lesser, more obvious, conclusion at this. Made the impact of the ending even stronger. Well done!
Heartwrenching and beautifully written!
Great job Carrie. Like the use of the pic too. Really helped draw me in. I'm gonna go read something funny now. :-)
Thank you, Trisha! Poor family, indeed. :(
I'm overwhelmed with the response/support. Everyone is just so stinkin' nice! :) Thank you, C.M.!
I'm so glad to hear that! Thank you, JD! :D
Thank you, jonesingafter40! :)
Thanks, Natasha! I can't blame you there. The first thing I did after writing it was hunt down something happy/funny. ;)
Definitely depressing--but well done! Now I'm going to have to go get a tissue.
*sniff*
sad, but beautifully written. (#172)
I will be holding you to that!;P
Thanks, Donna! I'll be sure to leave some tissues out next time. :)
Thank you, Sue! :)
Such great emotion in this piece! Amazing job, Carrie.
Hi Carrie! Good news! You made it to the next round with your flash fiction piece! You've been short-listed to move on to stage two :)
Stay tuned for more info on Rachael's blog.
Congrats!
Gina
(new follower)
Thanks, Pegasus! :D
Thank you, Gina! I really appreciate that! :D
Aloha Carrie,
Wow... got me some goose bumps with that one (the baby was a *great* twist.... OK, now I sound like a mean old fart!!
PS.. thanks for the follow, and am doing the same :)
This was amazing Carrie! I really felt her passion.
I was going to short-list you to move to round 2 but Gina always beats me to the punch. Damn you Gina! :D
Thank you very much, Mark! (You don't sound like a mean old fart. *grins*)
You too!
Thank you, T.D.! :)
Weird. I didn't think two judges would have the same "territory". Oh well. It's the thought that counts, right? *grins* Thanks, anyway!
Very good! I realy got captured by it and I realy felt their gloom, even though I'm not sure what was happeing exept for that it was their last day.
I understand. Night time always puts me in a gloomy mood. I suppose it helps though if your trying to make a gloomy scene.
I'm #121. Check it out if you want.
Very emotional, Carrie! Great job. I am so awful at shorts, and I admire people who can pull it off. :) Well done!
Angela
Thank you, James! I'll be right over. :)
Thank you, Angela! I'm not very comfortable with them yet, but these campaigns have been the perfect excuse to practice. :)
Very nicely done. Caught me right from the beginning and kept me in the story until the end. Great job!
#191 if you get a chance to read.
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